Rei hates me for forcing her to harm the man she claims to love. Now I've given her more reason to despise me. She has seen what a heartless bastard I've grown to become. Without batting an eye I used exploding shurikens on Cob. I saw the disbelief in her eyes as I stood there impassively while they blew a gaping hole in his chest. She won't understand my dispassion, and I can't possibly explain something that's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I'm not the type to go around trying to impress people and I don't attempt to make friendships because I'm content to be alone. I never gave a damn about what others thought of me in the past so why am I suddenly bothered by Rei's negative opinion of me?

I lost it when I saw slavers leading an innocent group of youths into a building. Nothing could stop me from attacking them and setting their prisoners free. Rowan finally saw the vengeful side of me. It was foolish of me to think I could keep that part of me hidden from him for long. I wonder what went on his mind while he watched me behead the guy who stopped me inside the building. Does he find me disgusting now? I wanted to try and explain my feelings to him but there wasn't any time. As soon as we released the slaves we discovered that Tristan had vanished. Finding him became the top priority. I hope Rowan doesn't turn away from me tonight. I have to make him understand why I'm compelled to kill those who take away the freedom of others. Will he listen, or have my rash actions caused an impenetrable barrier to grow between us?

Now I know why they call the inn we're staying at, The Grey Minstrel. It's haunted by the ghost of a bard who was murdered by one of the previous owners because he happened to be romancing the guy's wife. I learned I'm sensitive to the spirit world when the ghost possessed me. What a terrifying experience! I don't remember much about it except the bone chilling cold that consumed me. Apparently, I fell unconscious while the ghost spoke through me, requesting a decent burial for his remains that are hidden under the floorboards in room 20 of the inn. I hope we find those remains soon because I don't look forward to being possessed again anytime soon.

My meeting with Cob Erkon went exactly as I thought it would. He gave me the money with the intent of getting it back after his henchmen eliminated me outside the city. I've already gotten rid of those fools. Tonight I will dispose of Cob. Right now I'm going to enjoy a little nap and then lunch with Rei before we embark upon her lessons.

We made it to the mountains and found the wand Latisha Langdon is so interested in. I also found a chest filled with jewels and coins. The treasure has to be split 4 ways, but that's fine with me because there happens to be plenty to go around. At the moment I feel like a rich man. And to think I was completely broke this morning. It seems I've been blessed with nothing but good luck since meeting Rowan Silvertree. Think I'll keep him. *slow grin*

Ain't this a bitch? I can't fall asleep. And it's all because of Rei. I keep thinking about how close by she is, dressed only in a thin robe. Renting adjoining rooms might not have been such a good idea. I'll have to re-think our future accommodations. This senseless fantasizing over something that can never be is ridiculous. I have to stop wasting my time with such nonsense and get my mind back on more important matters.

I couldn't get the board to open so I'm pasting the Lucius post in here. I'll move it to ez "streets" when the boards start working again....

^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Lucius stopped at the bar to purchase a bottle of wine before heading up to the second floor. When he discovered the private bathing room empty he decided a nice hot bath was in order. Once inside his room, he cracked open the window and set the wine on the sill, preferring it slightly chilled to room temperature. Slowly, he removed his weapons and undressed, folding his clothes into a neat pile that he placed atop the small table, alongside of his large backpack. He pulled on a thin robe he found hanging on a peg near the bed, slipping his room key inside the front pocket. After locking the door behind him he strode to the end of the long hall, bolting the door to the bathing room once he was safely inside.

As he soaked in the scented water, his thoughts kept turning to Rei. He couldn't shake the image of her smiling face as she danced with Marz. Her laughter seemed to fill the room, adding to the pleasure of his relaxing bath. He knew he'd have to enjoy those sights from a distance because Rei never gave him a sincere smile or laughed in his presence. Why did that bother him? It was foolish to desire such things from a woman who hated him enough to want to kill him one day. There wasn't any point in wishing they'd met under different circumstances. What happened in the past could never be changed. He'd blackmailed her into harming a man she thought she'd fallen in love with and she despised him for it.

"If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have gone to see Eian that night," he whispered. "And her heart would be free of the burden of love placed upon it now." He felt a spark of anger ignite inside him. How could someone as intelligent as Rei be gullible enough to be taken in by a manipulator like Prince Eian? Why couldn't she see the man had used her like he used everyone else he came in contact with? Eian had filled her head with poetry and words of love because he knew that's exactly what she wanted to hear! In his homeland he was called, 'Prince Eian of the velvet tongue' for good reason. Rei could be added to the list of beautiful women who'd succumbed to his charms and had fallen in love with him. Eian kept them all dangling, skillfully pulling their emotional strings like some mad puppet master. The bastard deserved his fate. Lucius couldn't help hoping that Eian's father would fail in his negotiations to obtain the antidote for the poison that crippled the Prince's body and mind.

"Enough!" he hissed. Constantly thinking about Rei had to stop before it got out of hand. There wasn't any room in his life for such distractions. His thoughts turned to his upcoming meeting with Cob Erkon instead while he worked shampoo through his hair. By the time he rinsed the soap from his body and hair, he knew exactly what weapons he'd have ready and what safeguards he'd have in place using his chi alone. If Cob had men hidden in the park that thought to take him off guard, they were in for a big surprise.

He squeezed out his hair and toweled himself dry, shivering slightly as he slipped on the robe. As soon as he was back in his room, he let the robe fall to the floor, warming his body by the small fireplace before drawing on a pair of loose pants. After combing the tangles from his damp hair, he popped the cork from the wine bottle then lit a cigarette. While smoking he watched a couple of drunks arguing on the street below, his eyes turning to the pretty street hooker who giggled as she led her young trick towards a nearby alley. The poor sucker would probably end up with one of the diseases such street hookers commonly passed around.

When he finished the cigarette, he shuttered the window and crawled into bed with his wine. He took a couple of gulps before setting the bottle down on the nightstand and blowing out the lantern. As he lay back in bed he heard the door to Rei's room open. He expected to hear the voices of Marz and Tristan but the only sound that reached him was that of soft footsteps approaching the door that adjoined the rooms. When Rei stormed in and slammed a lantern on the nightstand, he blinked to adjust his eyes to the light then watched her pull open the window shutters.

"Just what game are you playing at, Lucius Zarkon?" she demanded. "What sort of man takes a stray as his apprentice, out of the blue? Why teach me, when you know I only live to kill you? You are an assassin, a spy, and so stone-cold heartless sometimes I wonder if you are even human."

He stared up into those cinnamon eyes that bore into him and couldn't help thinking how beautiful she looked with the soft glow of the moon playing over her face. Rei was a remarkable woman, not helpless and wishy-washy like so many he'd met in the past. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind and could appear courageous even when she happened to be shaking like a leaf inside. The only real flaw he saw in her was gullibility. If she intended on becoming a successful assassin it wouldn't do to have her falling in love with her victims. Somehow, he had to teach her how to separate fact from fantasy to keep her from getting hurt again.

"What does it matter to you if a nameless woman opens her veins in some random cornfield in some nameless hamlet no one cares about?" she went on to say. "Why didn’t you kill me that night? Why did you argue so adamantly for my life? You don’t care. In fact, I don’t think you can feel anything."

He sat up in bed, his bare back resting against the cool pillow, his eyes now staring into the darkness at the far end of the room. Her judgment of him was right on target. He hadn't felt much of anything for years. But since meeting Rei, he'd begun to feel minor emotions stir to life again. Did he have an unconscious need to experience the same feelings everyone else felt before his life finally came to its conclusion? Could that be the real reason he took Rei as his student? Or did he simply want to pass down his knowledge to someone he felt worthy of learning it.

"Only you and Tristan know I wanted to kill myself that night," she whispered. "I was on my knees for you, Lucius. It would have been so easy; you could have slit my throat and none would have been the wiser. So why? Why do you teach me? Why didn’t you kill me that night in the cornfield?"

His eyes shifted from the darkness to her face, still bathed in moonlight. "I don't normally go around killing people I haven't been hired to kill. And I don't waste valuable time murdering people like you, who pose no threat to me." The fire in her eyes told him his words upset her again. "Accept the truth, Rei. You're nowhere near good enough to pose a threat to me yet."

He tossed aside the blanket, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. After grabbing the wine bottle he stood and brushed past Rei to stand before the window. Looking out at the blackness of night was easier then coping with the loathing he'd seen in her eyes. "I wanted you to stay alive because I wanted to teach you, nothing more." There wasn't anything more to it, was there? "Why the hell would I want to kill you when I could train you instead? I see a lot of potential in you, and you professed an interest in learning from me, so it works to both our benefits."

Once he moistened his mouth with a little wine, he turned to face her. "When I said you'd graduate when you made it past my defenses and killed me, I meant it. I want to die by your hand. I've chosen you as my executioner, but I won't give my life to you that easily. You're going to have to work hard before you'll be able to spill my blood and gain your revenge for my blackmail." She was standing so close he could feel the heat from her body. He wanted to step closer, to feel that warmth spread though him, melting the ice around his heart. His hand came up, stopping an inch away from her cheek before he pulled it back abruptly. Their eyes locked for a moment then he slowly turned away from her again and shook off the dizziness he felt, attributing to the wine and fatigue.

"I'm tired," he said, his voice flat. "Why don't you hurry off to your own room now so I can get some sleep?"

We did it, we did it, we finally did it! *tries to curb his enthusiasm* Ahem, yes, Rowan and I became lovers tonight. And not one stinking interruption this time. It was beautiful, and awesome...fantastic, and unbelievable wonderful. I've never felt so contented, or so incredibly happy. Now, I'm left wondering how Rowan feels. He's smiling so that's a good sign isn't it?

Why did I take this woman on as an apprentice? That's what Yadon will ask, and I have no idea how to answer. I can't possibly tell him the truth; that I want to someday die by her hand. He wouldn't understand my need to control my own destiny.

I find myself staring at Rei far too often. She distracts me without even trying. I see so many things in her eyes, things I haven't been able to feel for a long time. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and I'm constantly trying to draw more and more of them out. Perhaps I can feel alive again through her, if only for a little while before death comes to claim me. She has earned the right to kill me. Rei, my beautiful executioner....

She will teach me how to live again while I teach her how to destroy me.

5000 gold for a little sperm? What a tempting offer. But how could I do it when I don't know if a child of mine would be normal? Even if I were to presume that the child would be normal would I be able to stay away from the woman carrying it or the nobles who intend to raise it as their own? What exactly would the legalities of this be? I guess I'd have to visit Muzo at his breeder house to find out.

For now it's back to dinner with Rowan. I'm puzzled by the elf's quietness. Normally he has plenty to say, but not tonight. I'm starting to wonder if he's tired of me already. I can't help thinking that way after some of the things he's told me about his past. Relationships aren't his cup of tea, and I can live with that since I've never been in a relationship. I can't long for something I know nothing about. But I do have a desire to get closer to Rowan, if he'll allow it. At the moment, he seems hesitant about going beyond friendship and that's making me hesitate as well. Maybe I'm pressing him into doing something he's not ready to do yet. Maybe it would be best to part company after dinner.